Inside I sit, desk piled high with papers, I don’t want to read, don’t want to see, don’t want at all. I stare solemnly, watch slate skies dissolve. Like Newtons cradle the rain falls in rhythm. Soft ball bearings knocking at the door. I welcome the distraction. Watch the rain run, making decisions, changing it’s course. How I wish I could change this. Change what happened. Change us.
White cup waiting. Grey steam gathering. Whirling clouds sting your eyes. Tears falling. Whistle screaming. Piercing the silence of an empty home.
You are a dancing breeze on a claustrophobic day. Whispers of hope in the dust. A fleeting relief, a kiss of ice. Just passing through.
I wish I’d made a different choice.
I wish I was your friend.
Eyes meet, heart breaks.
Regret hurts still.
The thing you couldn’t place. That feeling, unsure. A look, a gaze. Recognition. Maybe. That well in your heart. That spike in your pulse. A bite in the air. A chill at your side. That was me. Waiting to be seen. That was us. Lingering over a moment.
Sun glistens. Ripples wriggle. Silt dances in the stream. Clear water no more. Mud moves, water flows. Yet still we swim.
We were always on the edge. Never quite falling. That freedom of flying just out of reach. The time we didn’t but almost did, and again, and again. Time spent wasting, time with you. They said we would. They said we did. But we were almost something. Just an almost.
Beating in, out. Stomach rising. To that thud, that drum. Vibrating. Moving. Breaking. Beaming. You.
Away from here. From the daily grey. Give me the blue of the ocean, golden sands, bright white spray. Give me air to breathe.