loss

Still no answer

I dial your number. A number I can’t forget. The phone slips through my hands. I hold it close to my face. Mouth dry, eyes stinging. My heart thudding in my throat.  Each ring a shock. Each ring a scream. The connection rings, rings, and rings. A corridor of memories unanswered. I let the receiver fall, breathe again. Hard. Hurting. Drowning in you.

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The End. The Beginning.

Silent night. Winter skies. In the darkness, the sparks shine. Blazing bright. Leaping wide. Black fading. Silence shattered. In the cold we watch you fall. A shower of starlight dancing. The world alight. On fire. We watch like statues, catch the star dust in our eyes.

With my eyes closed

Night walking. Head hazy. The streets warped like an Escher picture.  Yet my routefinder kicks in. My feet walk a path they’ve walked too many times before. 

Third lamppost on the left, take the snicket Dark and narrow I snag on brambles falling free, skin torn, stinging. Head for the light, the other side. Stumble on loose paving stones down the steps to arrive on your street. 

Quiet. Calm. Unchanged.

I sit on the pavement. Hug my knees tight. Here again.