I dial your number. A number I can’t forget. The phone slips through my hands. I hold it close to my face. Mouth dry, eyes stinging. My heart thudding in my throat. Each ring a shock. Each ring a scream. The connection rings, rings, and rings. A corridor of memories unanswered. I let the receiver fall, breathe again. Hard. Hurting. Drowning in you.
winter garden sleeps
our footprints break the frost
dancing in moon light
Lying here, stars alight
stone heart cracks.
Skin prickled, stomach tense
simple letters sting.
Lips dry, throat blocked.
I whisper in the darkness.
A change in the wind, leaves limp from the trees, not ready to let go. I’m not ready to let go. A change. Sun bright, air cold. Leaves gather at the road side, conkers crushed, defeated. This day. I think of you. Not ready for the change.
A stone heart crumbles. The crack you made erodes. Gaping now. I lay broken. Pierced by the wind.
I wish I’d made a different choice.
I wish I was your friend.
Eyes meet, heart breaks.
Regret hurts still.
I thought I saw you driving a Volvo,
My heart broke for a moment as you shifted gears.
The thing you couldn’t place. That feeling, unsure. A look, a gaze. Recognition. Maybe. That well in your heart. That spike in your pulse. A bite in the air. A chill at your side. That was me. Waiting to be seen. That was us. Lingering over a moment.
We were always on the edge. Never quite falling. That freedom of flying just out of reach. The time we didn’t but almost did, and again, and again. Time spent wasting, time with you. They said we would. They said we did. But we were almost something. Just an almost.